I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize