I wish I only lived at night.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
All I want is dick and wine.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So. Much. Porn.
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