Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
