Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
