good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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