ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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