How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
