On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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