very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
