ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
operation harelip BJ is a go
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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