Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
