I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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