Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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