I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
