Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
