why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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