there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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