Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
