Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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