fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You took a bar mat shot.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
