I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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