I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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