before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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