you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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