Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
