We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Your penis caused this!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
