there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
