Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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