Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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