So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
