as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
