it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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