Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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