Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
