dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
