We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
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She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
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I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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