oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
