I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
