I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
