Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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