You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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