Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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