So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
