allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
