who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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