I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
