Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Buhtt sex?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
