When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
