When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
