I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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