he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you told grandpa to call you daddy
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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