I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
