I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
