My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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