Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
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We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
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You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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