the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
What a dumb baby whore.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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