Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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