I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Mom said you looked used
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
