New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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