I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
