Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
We smell like vodka and hangover
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
