I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You took a bar mat shot.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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