mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
