party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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