1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize